Downswing Read online

  “I’ve missed you, angel.”

  I almost turned my head at that. Zak’s words were so soft and almost broken, I felt a pang of something akin to heartbreak fill my chest. Absolutely disgusted with myself, I tightened my jaw, still staring straight ahead.

  “You missed raping me, you mean.”

  “I have missed you. I miss my… my friend.”

  I closed my eyes, but nothing in the world could suppress the single tear from sliding slowly down my frozen cheek. The hole that had been hollowed out by the only other man I wanted in the entire world crumbled at the edges even more, leaving me feeling open and raw. Swallowing against the lump in my throat, my next words were ripped from my throat without my permission.

  “Then why did you lie to me?” I whispered the question raggedly, finally turning to look Zakhar square in the face. And when I did, a gasp escaped me.

  Tears glimmered in his eyes. His lips pulled into a heartbreaking smile of happiness and his gaze filled to the brink with something that looked disturbingly close to…. Love.

  I felt that look fill the empty pit that had ripped open inside of me from Viktor’s rejection and the conflicting feelings for Zakhar. That look made me feel almost whole again.

  Oh. Fuck.

  “There is something wrong with me, Emilia.” Zak whispered, his expression almost starved as he boldly slid even closer to me. I sat frozen, unable to tear my gaze away.

  “I have never been right. I know this, I do. But I was born into a family that values power above everything else. I was taught this way of life, I was encouraged to embrace this need to inflict pain upon the world. I was raised to be the ruthless man you see before you. I feel torn in half from wanting to change my very nature for you, but at the same time…”

  Zak stopped, reaching a slow hand up to my face. I sat still as stone, letting his rough fingers graze my skin, watching as ecstasy filled his face at the skin-to-skin contact.

  “I do not think you would feel for me what you do. And I know you feel something for me, angel moy. In the end, we are the same. No matter how big you smile, how loud you laugh, how much you pretend to want to help others… you will never be able to deny that you, Emilia Fox, were born with the same insanity that I grew up in. What I was taught, you were born to. And even though you run away from it, hide from it, try to tame it…”

  Zak reached his other hand up, capturing my face between his palms. Both of our breaths came out in ragged pants as we stared into each other’s eyes, and Zak whispered the last words to drive home the final nail into my coffin.

  “You will never be able to escape the fact you are just as fucked up as I am.”

  I threw my glass across the room at the same time Zak dropped his to the ground and I launched my body into his arms. Without a second thought, I smashed my lips to his, and tangled my hands into the familiar silkiness of his hair. Zak gave a groan like a starving man given the most lush piece of fruit and kissed me back with the same obsession and hatred I was trying to dominate him with. He yanked my body onto his, so I was straddling him, and I ground on top of his dick like a wanton animal. Panting between bruising kisses, my hands went straight to his belt, fumbling with the clasp.

  “Emilia.” Zakhar groaned, yanking my hair roughly to move my lips from his. He stared into my eyes with a look so full of resentment and lust, I almost came on the spot. My lips curled into a snarl, and I yanked his belt from his pants.

  And the entire time, my hated inner self- that hissing, snarling, disgusting filth I tried so hard to suppress- laughed.

  And laughed.

  “Fuck me.” I snarled my demand, hatred dripping from every syllable. Zakhar smiled a mean smile, yanking my head back even further, forcing a strangled scream to rip from me. His hand was suddenly at my throat, yanking my choker off with one forceful twist of his wrist. I felt him freeze, and he gripped my hair so tightly for a moment, I saw stars and gave a pained whimper before I could smother it.

  “This. This was from…” He gasped out, his chest rising and falling rapidly against my own. His hand, trembling as much as mine, came up to run his fingers over the scar that marred my otherwise pale skin.

  “Yes.” I whispered raggedly, talking difficult with my head tilted back so far. I felt a growl start in his chest, and with one fist still clasped tight in my hair, he reached the other between my legs and ripped apart my tights at the center of my body. Gasping, I gave a needy moan that echoed against the plush walls of the room. I fumbled with Zak’s pants faster, though I still couldn’t see with my head tilted back. Finally, the hand fisted in my hair yanked my head down so our eyes were level and I could see myself reflected in his gaze.

  I hated what was staring back at me.

  We stared at each other for a long, tense moment, though both of our hands kept moving, gripping, pinching, and slapping each other roughly. I finally yanked down his pants and briefs in one swift movement so that his long, thick cock sprang out, looking painfully hard.

  Staring right into his eyes, I growled at him. “Condom, motherfucker, or I’ll bend you over and milk your prostate so hard you’ll beg to be my bitch.”

  Zak’s eyes widened for a moment, but with a surprised laugh, he let go of me long enough to reach into his wallet and pull a condom out. I snatched it from his hand, ripping the wrapper open with my teeth, glaring into his eyes the whole time.

  “You are so beautiful, angel moy.” Zak breathed, though his lips were curled back in a snarl.

  “I fucking hate you.” I whispered back. I rolled the condom down his dick, forcing a hiss of pleasure from between those strong, white teeth of his, so reminiscent of a predator’s hungry fangs.

  My stare was unblinking as I crawled my way up Zak’s hard body, and slowly, inch by inch, lowered myself onto his throbbing cock. I hissed out in pain as he stretched me, having done nothing to prepare myself, but I welcomed the burn.

  I didn’t deserve anything but the pain.

  You don’t want anything but the pain.

  “I hate you too, angel moy. So fucking much.” Zak whispered, his fingers brushing my throat as gently as a song. His amber eyes were warm with obsession as he said the words, but his snarling mouth broke the effect. He rammed his hips up into me, and I felt him enter me to the hilt in one quick, painful thrust.

  I screamed.

  Zak gripped me around the waist with both arms, burying his face in my neck as he slammed his cock into me over and over. I felt all the pent-up tension drain from my shoulders, and my body relaxed into a pool of familiar agony as I let the hard fucking overtake my entire being. I cried out over and over, my hands gripping his hair tightly as I rode his cock, feeling every inch the filthy slut I apparently was.

  Stupidly, I let my imagination drift for a moment, dreaming of someone who really loved me taking me like this. The rough, violent, hurting fuck I so desperately needed to keep the demons at bay. I imagined that someone had black eyes, a rare smile, and a protective streak that made me feel warm… and cherished.

  “No one,” Zak panted against my ear, as if he was reading my thoughts. His hand slid up to wrap around my throat again. “No one can fuck you like this. No one can give you what I can. No one can hurt you like I can.” He squeezed his hand like a vise, cutting off my air.

  And I let him.

  As I felt the edges of my vision darken, I came, giving a strangled scream of painful ecstasy.

  “You’re mine, Emilia. Forever.” Zak said right into my ear before releasing my throat and following me with his own release, giving a loud roar of triumph. I felt his cock twitching inside me, and just held onto his hair tightly. As I slowly regained my senses, I started praying with every scrap of decency and innocence left inside my battered and gaping soul, that this man would magically transform into someone who could truly love me the way I so desperately needed.

  All the praying in the world would never turn this man into someone like that.

  Someone like-

&nb
sp; “Angel moy.” Zak looked up at me, emotion in his gaze. I stared at the man who had ruined my entire life, the beautiful lines of his face, his generous lips, those swirling amber eyes that had entranced me so. I felt my cold heart chip and start to crumble, the reality crashing into me of what I had just done. Closing my eyes, I turned my face up to the ceiling.

  “You have sixteen more minutes to get back to Alexei.” I said, extracting myself from the arms of my arch-nemesis, and staring down at him coldly. Surprise and anguish flickered in Zak’s gaze. “Were I you, I’d make use of that and clean yourself up.”

  I pulled my tights off in one swift movement, tossing them into the garbage can by the mobile bar. Rolling my head around my shoulders, I felt a calm detachment overtake me. The shame, agony, depression, and crippling loneliness that I knew should be washing over me was eerily absent, and I felt nothing but a minor twinge of discomfort as I shifted my weight on my heels.

  “Emilia-”

  “Shut up.” I said, without a hint of emotion. Turning back to Zakhar, I gave a long sigh, lifting a brow at the man who was obviously trying to scramble for words. “We fucked. I take full responsibility for that. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to slit your throat and watch your blood drain out like a stuck pig. Just not tonight.”

  Zakhar’s lips twitched, and a slow, steady grin spread across his handsome face. He chuckled quietly at first, but soon the room was shaking with the force of his laughter. After a moment, he swiped the tear from the corner of his eye and gave me a look of pure love.

  “You were made for me. Take your rightful place at my side, Emilia. I want to spend the rest of our lives together, angel moy.”

  I gave a small, cruel smile. “Your life isn’t as long as you think. Keep your eyes on me, Korol, so you can see my knife coming for you. I want your eyes on me until the very end.”

  And with that, I turned on my heel and walked out of the room, the soft peals of Korol’s delighted, sick glee echoing inside my heart with every step.

  • • •

  Ethyn watched, still and silent in the shadows on the ground floor, as Emilia exited the private room she had been holed up in. The cold, collected look that was stamped across Emilia’s face was so vastly different from when she had encountered Zakhar on the landing that Ethyn immediately knew something had gone horribly wrong. A few moments after Emilia had walked to the private bathrooms at the end of the hall, Korol came out, a brilliant smile stamped across his treacherous face.

  Something had definitely gone horribly wrong for the poor Emilia Fox.

  Ethyn turned but came up short at the sight of none other than Silas Deveroux sitting a few seats down from him. Silas’s gaze was rapt on the face of Korol as the mafia king made his way down the stairs and slipped into the crowd and out the door in a few graceful strides. Silas turned slowly, his beautiful face full of tension. His eyes held Ethyn’s for a long moment, and a silent conversation happened in the span of a few heartbeats. Silas exhaled, shaking his head slightly before he got up in that fluid way that was as familiar to Ethyn as his own, striding back to the other members of his group. He didn’t say a word, but the slight frown and purse of his lips told Ethyn all he needed to know.

  Things were about to get even more interesting for Downswing. Ethyn was going to make sure of it. Emilia Fox was in a spiral, and if things kept going as they were, Korol would annihilate the new, powerful group with nothing more than a few snaps of his fingers. And as much as it pained Ethyn to admit it, he wanted to see Emilia Fox and her band of merry men succeed.

  She had earned the loyalty of Silas Deveroux. That was all he needed to know about Emilia to know that she was someone worth saving.

  Or someone worth fearing.

  A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  Silas was going to kill Ethyn for the call he was about to make.

  He’ll thank me later.

  If she survives.

  Chapter Nineteen

  No-Limit

  Viktor

  “What the fuck did you do?”

  I rolled my eyes at the question that was fast becoming the bane of my existence. Staring stonily at Jazzy, who had just interrupted my boxing to shriek her demand/question, I chose to remain silent.

  “You did something. Kapiten has not been the same since the night at the club.”

  I clenched my jaw at the obvious observation. Emilia had been distant with everyone, not just me as I had anticipated, since the night out two days ago. And even worse, our house had been dealt a staggering blow in the progress we had been making towards our plan to ambush Korol.

  The open invitation that Korol had issued for his party had suddenly changed, and only trusted allies were now welcome at his Moscow estate. His security had been tripled, and there was no plausible way anyone from Downswing was going to be able to successfully infiltrate the party. The news had come through from Jane the morning after the night out we had all shared, and I was starting to silently dub that horrid night “Ground Zero”. It seemed like over the past two days, a rippling effect had taken over and we were now left holding the bag, scrambling to find solutions to problems that we had not in a million years anticipated.

  And that stupid fucking night out was ground zero for all the grief we were dealing with now.

  Nobody knew the reason behind Korol’s last-minute decision, but we had all been shocked when Jane had told us. Everyone save Emilia. Emilia had just sat there, staring at Jane’s face on the monitor that we had all been huddled over in the parlor. She had just shrugged, standing, and gave a noncommittal noise when Jane had demanded to know where she was going. Since then, Emilia had holed herself inside her office on the main floor of the house. I knew she wasn’t eating or sleeping properly, since her strange behavior had prompted me to start monitoring her even more closely. I physically stayed far away, but Maya the cook and Mark, who was my main point of contact for the house’s security, had given me updated reports.

  “Like I have told the others,” I said now to Jazzy, who was standing with her arms crossed and glaring at me from the doors to the indoor gym, “I do not know why Emilia is acting the way she is. I am her bodyguard, not her babysitter.”

  “Cut the batshit, D’yavol.” Jazzy spat.

  “For the thousandth time, it is bullshit. Not batshit.” I told her, rolling my eyes.

  “Who cares what animal took the shit, it is still shit!” Jazzy yelled, pointing an accusing finger at me. “Do not try to distract me!”

  “I’ll speak with her tonight.” I said tiredly. Emilia had given the announcement earlier that morning that she wanted all of us in the main group to sit down for a formal dinner that evening. Rumors and speculations were racing through the tight-knit group as to why they were being called to a private dinner, but I wasn’t letting myself linger on any of them. I couldn’t, otherwise it would drive me mad.

  Like you’re not already driving yourself mad with regret as it is.

  I cringed, giving the bag a savage punch at the thought. Yes, I was regretting not fucking Emilia within an inch of her life two nights ago, there was no escaping that. I knew I had done the right thing, but it still sat ill with me how the situation had ended between us. She had ordered me to stay in that damn room while she went off and did god-knows-what. Nobody had laid eyes on her for forty minutes before Meiling had come to get me. I had attempted to ask Emilia about this, but she had waved me off, saying merely she hadn’t felt well and was in the restroom.

  She was lying to me, I fucking knew it. You didn’t watch someone for four years and not know their tells. And I made it my business to know everything I could about my Emilia. I was a professional, and Emilia was dead wrong if she thought I was going to let the matter slide.

  Emilia was furious with me, I got that. She thought I didn’t want her like I wanted the maids. Fucking ridiculous assumption, I couldn’t believe it when she had made the correlation between the two. She had come on to me, and I had b
een so elated and surprised, not daring to believe it, that I had floundered. If only she knew that the maids were only substitutes for her and I fucked them thinking only of her, she’d probably…

  Smash your balls into your stomach and watch you cough them back up.

  Yeah, that sounded about right.

  My reasons for not ravishing Emilia were simple. One, she had been intoxicated. I may be a monster, but I wasn’t that kind of monster. All my partners had been willing and able to give consent. Emilia hadn’t been in that headspace. Two, when Emilia and I finally fucked, it wouldn’t be because of pent-up frustration finally getting the better of us. Oh, no, no, no. When I finally was inside Emilia, exactly where I belonged, it would be because we were both there, in that moment, ready for the next step together.

  When. Not if.

  I wasn’t a fucking idiot. I loved Emilia. I had loved her for four years. I was so goddamn sick of fighting my feelings for her. We were both adults, we clearly had feelings for each other, but we had both been too stubborn to face them. Instead, we had let them build and build until Emilia had finally shut me out after Ground Zero, leaving me feeling hollow inside. We had both been ready to blow, and now our dance of need was coming to its climax. And finally… it’s end.

  At least I fucking hoped so.

  After her cold attitude the last two days and not letting me be near her for more than two seconds, I had finally come to terms with the fact that Emilia was going to be mine. With that thought, I had begun formulating a plan of action. When the dust settled with Korol, we were going to hash this out, just the two of us. I no longer cared about decorum. I no longer gave a shit about thinking Emilia needed someone gentle, someone who could treat her kindly every moment of her life.

  Fuck that.

  Emilia had proven time and time again that she was imperfect, with dark needs that I never fully let myself realize until recent events had brought them careening into my face with all the subtlety of a punch. I had put her on a goddamn pedestal for so long- we all had. It was a wonder the poor girl hadn’t crumbled from the overwhelming expectations we all had set for her.